How I Stopped Calling Myself ‘Fat’ and Started Embracing My Body For Real
Breaking Through the Intimidation: How Strength Training Transformed How My Wellness Journey Works
Ugh.
This is the post I knew I would have to write at some point in order for this journey to be authentic. It’s the start of how I got here—a post I’ve been meaning to write for a long time. Ladies and gents—please let me introduce you to the “before” pics of my wellness journey from over 20 years ago.
As I’ve mentioned in the past, I did not take care of myself while working on Wall Street. I burned the candle at both ends, working 80-hour weeks and traveling the world. It seemed like the perfect trade-off since I wasn’t married and didn’t have kids. Even with a rheumatoid arthritis (RA) diagnosis, I kept pushing myself at work and on the partying front. I was going to the gym with personal trainers, but with no real plan beyond losing weight.
Fast forward to when I met the hubs and moved to Seattle. I still wasn’t taking care of myself. Seattle living was different from NYC, but I wasn’t adapting. He made an innocent yet poignant suggestion: “Maybe if you moved more, you wouldn’t feel so stiff in the morning from your RA?”
There was a gym near his house, but it didn’t feel approachable. It felt like more of the same. But there was a running club nearby, and the hubs, a lifelong swimmer who hated running, would run with me, likely as a motivator for me to invest in myself.
The Long Climb Begins… I Just Didn’t Know How Long
I decided to start with food and adopted the South Beach Diet. I know, “diet”. Stay with me. What resonated was the idea of becoming “heart healthy” rather than just losing weight. Given my family’s cardiac history, this approach made sense. The diet was tough, especially giving up carbs, but I stuck with it.
After experiencing some weight loss, I joined a local running group. It was January, dark, and cold. Every morning at 6am, I questioned if I could stick with it. Did I want to get healthy, or did I want to quit? I stuck with it.
Six months later, I was off my RA meds.
Over the next few years, my eating habits improved, and I continued running three to four days a week. We got a Bowflex at home, but as someone who never studied strength training, I didn’t know what I was doing. I was mindlessly following a circuit designed by a young guy for a young guy.
Of course, I got injured along the way. I ran myself into a stress fracture in my leg. Note to anyone reading this: Don’t do this. It’s painful. I got depressed because I couldn’t run, so I used a stationary bike at the running club and healed.
Taking the Plunge
Feeling stronger, I decided to run a 5k for the first time. My ego was too big to be the last person to finish. Note to anyone reading this: Don’t let your ego get in the way. I finished the 5k, and I wasn’t last. Win.
By 2008, with my 40th birthday on the horizon in 3 years, I set an audacious goal: the non-runner from NYC was going to run the NYC marathon for her 40th. But being logical, I decided to methodically build up to it. Next was a 10k, followed by a deal with myself that I wouldn’t run the full marathon unless I could run a sub-2-hour half marathon.
For the 10k, I chose a hilly course with bad weather. I soon found this was normal for Seattle, except for the flat loop around the lake near our house. But I finished and wasn’t last.
During this time, my RA symptoms were mostly at bay. I’d have flare-ups, but not enough to go back on meds because of the side effects. I was lucky. The hubs and I started hiking more around the Pacific Northwest and on vacations. My cardio fitness was definitely improving.
Then I moved to half-marathons. The hubs would help crew me on runs where I wasn’t running with my pals. I started training on hills, discovering that I’m someone who loves to prepare in less-than-ideal conditions so race day won’t be as tough.
I ran my first half-marathon, finishing just shy of my goal pace of 10 minutes per mile, but I was okay with it. Learning how my body reacted during longer races was a growing process, especially with all the adrenaline. I continued to run more half-marathons, but the sub-2-hour half remained elusive.
I was so close, and everyone around me said I was good enough for NYC. “Let it go,” they’d say. But I couldn’t. I finally broke the 2-hour barrier on a dreadful course in equally dreadful weather here in Seattle—wind, rain, hills, you name it. Did I mention it was awful? But I did it. And then I did it again. And again.
Fast forward to 2010, and the injuries were starting to pile up. My back had begun giving me trouble the previous year, so I decided to have breast reduction surgery. For anyone considering this surgery: it was one of the best decisions I ever made for my quality of life. It’s not even close. Forget any judgment about it being cosmetic surgery—this was about living without pain and being able to move freely.
Strength Training Enters The Picture For Real
Around this time, a high school friend recommended CrossFit. I’d been reading more articles about the importance of strength training for runners. Strength training always intrigued me, but I never felt like I was in the right place to learn or do the work.
I fell into the classic mindset of “you need to get in shape before you actually get in shape.” Note to anyone reading this: This is not a great way to approach strength training.
I wanted to keep running. To be clear, I wouldn’t say I loved running at this point, but I appreciated what it did for me mentally and physically. So, strength training was something I had to try if I wanted to continue running.
As luck would have it, we had a CrossFit right near our house. I went to check it out, but it was intimidating, even for someone as extroverted as me. It wasn’t a “nice” gym. People crammed together, throwing down barbells. I was amazed that no one had dropped a barbell on someone else. It was every stereotype you’ve heard about CrossFit. Most of the people there were very fit. I had developed speed, but I didn’t have the strength to match it.
Then there was my RA. I knew gripping for extended periods was hard on my hands and wrists. I’ll talk more about RA and strength training in another post, but it was definitely something I had to work around. I was told that CrossFit workouts could be “scaled down”, so I decided to give it a try. The hubs said he’d join me if I was still doing it two months later. Sucker! I was all-in and he followed.
A Whole New World
Lifting the barbell felt empowering. It was different from using dumbbells in a way I hadn’t experienced before. Maybe it was because free weight areas in regular gyms can feel unwelcoming, but I felt encouraged at CrossFit. My running coach wasn’t thrilled about it because of CrossFit’s well-earned reputation, but after the first two months, I knew this was what I needed to complement my running as I increased my miles for NYC.
We made friends at CrossFit and got into a routine. Those first few months were tough, with my body adjusting to the intensity. I was cautious, always keeping in mind that running was my main sport and CrossFit was there to augment it. If I needed a break from running, I had CrossFit to turn to, and vice versa.
The NYC marathon inched closer and closer. I did a few more races to prepare. Despite a non-CrossFit injury that snuck up on me, I made it to the start line and finished the marathon. It was slower than I wanted, but it turned out to be a great day.
After NYC, I continued running half-marathons here and there and participated in some overnight relays. But gradually, my focus shifted more toward hiking and CrossFit. As time went on, the hubs and I decided to move away from CrossFit and hire a strength coach because our needs had changed. The value wasn’t there for us anymore.
Taking The Next Step
For the most part, we stayed injury-free at CrossFit, but we wanted something more tailored to our specific needs. We had space in our garage, and it seemed like the right time to make a change. I loved the CrossFit community, and seeing friends in class had been a big motivator. But at some point, it became more about what we needed for our long-term goals. It became more about aging well rather than going hard just because we could.
CrossFit is more about strength and conditioning, whereas we decided we needed something more biased towards strength. We were doing conditioning work through other avenues already.
As our previous coach (a former CrossFit trainer herself) said, it took a while to deprogram us from the CrossFit mindset, but we got there. I noticed I was getting stronger, and it showed in my hikes. Even though I wasn’t running much, if at all, my fitness going uphill was great. Carrying a backpack didn’t impact me significantly, if at all.
Meanwhile, I started experiencing more symptoms of perimenopause. Once I began reading more about these symptoms, particularly in “Roar” by Dr. Stacy Sims, I knew I needed to keep strength training to position myself to enjoy retirement—whatever that would look like, but hopefully with lots of travel and hiking.
If you haven’t faced perimenopause yet, it’s like experiencing puberty in reverse—transformative, but often in challenging ways, as my friend Dr. Lisa Klein of Turning Teen says.
So, between perimenopause, the autoimmune diseases, my family history of certain conditions—especially osteoporosis and Parkinson’s—and my desire to stay active as long as possible, the impetus for strength training shifted from running injury-free to lifting heavier to aging better.
Back to What’s My Why?
Working with weights has been instrumental in building my grip strength, a key indicator of longevity. Gripping is part of everyday life for everyday tasks like carrying groceries, opening jars, and even preventing falls as we age. It’s all about being able to live independently, which is another motivator for me. By focusing on this, I’m ensuring that I can stay active and capable well into my later years.
In addition to strength training, I ride the Peloton regularly and incorporate cardio into my routine. This cardio work is crucial for maintaining my fitness level, especially for hiking, which I love. My commitment to cardio has kept my VO2 max at the level of a 25-year-old female, which is another key indicator of longevity. This not only supports my hiking but also ensures I stay active and strong as I continue to age gracefully.
I’m not a size 2, nor do I want to be. I want to move well and feel good, with a sprinkle of looking good.
If we go back to the South Beach Diet mindset—where I focus on moving well and feeling good, then looking good will follow. If I focus only on looking good, the other two might not happen. I don’t want that for me.
Knowing what I know now, this is not an endorsement of you learning about strength training via CrossFit, F45, Orangetheory, etc. It’s very individualized and fortunately many more options exist. I can help you sort out what is right for you.
More to come on this topic, particularly on evaluating how I rewired my thinking on food…
And as always, please speak to a medical professional before beginning any wellness program.
Wow. Never knew about the breast reduction or most of this. What a journey indeed. You are definitely going long!!
I love so much about this story, coach! One of my biggest takeaways was about having patience with your own abilities and with the process. The way you worked your way up to the NYC marathon was methodical and relentless. This is a huge inspiration for me as I never feel like I’m progressing fast enough.