NOTE: This episode contains mature content, including discussions about sexuality, relationships, and self-discovery. If you are listening in a public setting or around children, we recommend using headphones or choosing a more appropriate time to engage with this content.
I was fortunate enough to come across Rebecca Ferguson in one of my Substack collaboration groups. Her Substack is real and candid about sex and sexual health, and very much relates to the demographic Go Long is serving. For the guys reading this, don’t turn away yet as Rebecca shares some good info for you as well!
Rebecca Ferguson joined me on Going the Distance with Go Long to discuss her book 3000 Orgasms. She shares how tracking her sex life during the pandemic led to self-discovery, the impact of leaving a sexless marriage, and embracing sex positivity. Rebecca reflects on overcoming shame, prioritizing pleasure, and maintaining intimacy despite life challenges, including her own battle with uterine cancer, which included surgical menopause.
We discussed open conversations about sex, parenting with a sex-positive mindset, and the importance of consent. Rebecca closed out with the importance of emphasizing self-love and the power of learning to trust your body, encouraging women to reclaim what’s rightfully theirs while balancing all of societal BS and keeping safe.
About Rebecca
Rebecca is a relationship coach and author who has dedicated her career to helping individuals navigate the complex world of love, sex and relationships. After going through a challenging divorce in her late 30s, she embarked on a transformative journey of self-discovery, which led her to redefine what love and sexual fulfillment mean. Four years after Rebecca’s divorce, she found love again, but this time with a deeper understanding of herself and what she truly needed in a relationship.
Now post-menopausal having recovered from uterine cancer, Rebecca continues to explore the depths of her sexuality. Rebecca enjoys spending time with her children, exploring Melbourne's vibrant cultural scene, and connecting with her community. She is passionate about helping others find joy and fulfillment in their relationships, and she remains committed to supporting her clients and readers on their journey to love and sexual fulfillment.
Major Topics Covered
Rebecca's journey began with tracking her sexual experiences using a sex tracking app.
The pandemic provided a unique opportunity for sexual exploration and intimacy.
Open conversations about sex with children can normalize the topic and reduce stigma.
Rebecca's previous marriage was marked by a lack of intimacy and communication.
Health challenges, including cancer, impacted Rebecca's sexual life but did not diminish her desire for intimacy.
Creating a vision for one's sex life is essential for prioritizing intimacy.
Women often face societal pressures that push sex down their list of priorities.
Men are increasingly interested in understanding and supporting their partners' sexual health.
Trusting one's body is crucial for self-love and sexual exploration.
The conversation around sex is becoming more positive and open in society.
Quick Takeaways
Rebecca: Sexual well-being is often the first thing to be deprioritized when life gets busy, especially for those juggling careers, family, and caregiving. But prioritizing pleasure and intimacy isn’t a luxury—it’s a vital part of overall health. Making space for it can lead to greater self-confidence, stronger relationships, and a deeper connection to your own body.
Jill: Yes, Rebecca’s book title is certainly attention-grabbing, but my biggest takeaway from our conversation is this: You deserve better in all aspects of your health—including your sexual health. As Rebecca pointed out, this is often the most neglected area, especially for those in the “sandwich generation.” If prioritizing it is important to you, consider what you’re willing to deprioritize to make space for it.
“Sex can and should be a priority—not an afterthought. When we make space for pleasure, it enhances every other part of our lives.” — Rebecca Ferguson
Resources Mentioned During the Show
Rebecca’s Book: 3000 Orgasms: How I Went From a Sexless Marriage to a Multi-Orgasmic Wonderland
The Economist article: “How Better Data Can Lead to Better Sex”
Previous episode of “Going the Distance with Go Long — Hormones and Headaches: How to Raise a Teen in the Modern Era” with Dr. Lisa Klein of Turning Teen
Previous episode of “Going the Distance with Go Long — Reigniting Your Connection: Expert Tips for Thriving Relationships” with Marianne Marlow of ThisLoveWorks
Emily Morse: Founder of Sex with Emily, a Podcast on Sex and Relationships and SiriusXM Host
Ways to Connect with Rebecca
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Go Long recommends listening to the entire podcast for context, but knows you are all busy people so below you will see timestamps. This episode is also available on YouTube.
Looking for an accountability partner who isn’t going to judge whatever the habit is that you are trying to change?
Timestamps
00:00: Rebecca’s Journey to 3000 Orgasms
05:02: Why It’s Important of Normalizing Talking About Sex
11:24: The Summer of Rebecca, Joining Tinder and Embracing the “Strides of Pride” vs. the “Walk of Shame”
15:35: Mindset Behind Data Tracking and Will There Be Another 3000+ Year?
17:47: Uterine Cancer Diagnosis, Getting Creative and Prioritizing Sex During Difficult Times
22:28: Creating a Vision for Your Sex Life In The Midst of Being Part of The Sandwich Generation
27:11: The Most Surprising Aspect of Rebecca Starting Her Substack Most surprising thing about her Substack (starting) - if you’re in a partnered relationship, both people need to make it work
30:50: Balancing Gender Stereotypes Around Sex and Associated Shame When You Are Different Than The Stereotype
34:43: Understanding The Importance of Timing, Turf and Tone When Talking About Your Sexual Needs With A Partner
36:25: The Economist Publishes an Article on Measuring Sexual Activity! What Does That Mean For Sex Positivity Becoming a Societal Norm
39:27: How Rebecca Balances The Conversation With Her Kids on Sex and Porn
44:00: Creating a Sex Positive Environment, the Importance of Teaching Consent and Keeping Yourself Safe While Going Out
49:45: The Importance of Self-Love and How She Learned to Trust Her Body Enough to Love It
56:47: Wrap-up
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